The question on everyone’s mind – are they still together?!
Well, actually, I’m sure most people have no idea what I’m talking about. I wish I could forget it myself, but it’s best to tie up loose ends.
I had been dating a special someone for a month before revealing the big shock-horror of being in the porn industry. Amusingly enough, I forwarded him the last article I had written for GiveMeGayPorn.com which depicted the conundrum at hand. Stupidly enough, I forgot to omit the hyperlink which led to some graphic illustrations adding unnecessary graphics for the text. I gave him some time to his thoughts (what’s with you white folk always needing so much time to process everything?) and just waited. I will admit that my gut already knew the response, but I always prefer to hear it for myself.
In a bizarre way, I felt more guilt than relief when confiding everything in him. It’s as if the massive weight on my shoulders had been lifted off and placed on him. Where I had self inflicted the burden, he had unknowingly received it. I knew I wouldn’t like withholding my adult career from him at the beginning of our courtship, but I still had to try something different from my usual straight forward and to-the-point method. After all,”insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
We finally met and had ‘that’ talk. You know, the one where the end result is evident but still requires going through the motions. “I don’t judge you, but…” translates directly as I AM JUDGING YOU. Don’t get me wrong, our entire conversation was completely civil, yet full of bullshit. I still struggle with being able to call out people on their preconceived notions and lack of tolerance because often they’re not aware of what they are doing.
There is no such thing as a non-discriminatory, non-judgemental person in this world. Period. Full stop. We live in a world where we are told to accept everyone as they are and to understand one another (rather, most of us are trying to live in that world) and then are blindly tossed into the masses without being given the tools to make sense of it all. When out in the real world we often find ourselves succumbing to our own fears and insecurities. What ends up happening is a facade of tolerance with an underlying lack of knowledge and understanding. It’s ok to have these feelings, but it’s not ok to ignore them.
What ever happened to having an open dialogue about our differences? I may not be able to put myself in your shoes, but do I need to? I don’t ask people to understand my life and who I am, I just ask that they respect me and keep an open mind. We have the beauty of logic and knowledge at our everyday disposal in an attempt to become (somewhat) better human beings. Not only can we learn to accept, but we can hope to truly embrace the differences that make us so unique. I’d always rather be asked the uncomfortable and awkward questions than to have people wonder in silence. It’s not disagreement and discord that tears us apart, but absolute silence that keeps us from connecting.
Look, that all got a bit hippie dippy and free spirited (I blame it on the 35K altitude and UV radiation) but it brings me to the same point.
He never asked me about my life in the porn world. He never wondered why I want to do it, or if it was even a choice. Never bothered to ask a single question about it all. There’s so much safety in assumption that keeps us dangerously segregated.
So there it is- the cliff notes to my dating life and personal viewpoint on our society. Not entirely sure that’s how I intended to develop this article, but it all seems strangely connected.