Remote controlled vibrators feel so good

Those smutty sex-enablers at Fortroff (what, you’ve never heard of them? You better check out their sitesharpish) recently brightened up my day when I saw that they had finally got that most fabled and spoken-of-in-hushed-tones-at-middle-class-dinner-parties gadget back in stock- yes, the remote controlled vibrator.

I can’t work out whether I’ve wanted to be the victim or the ‘gift giver’ in my remote controlled fantasy play, I just know that I want one to stash in my secret sex box under my bed (the one my room mate is forbidden to open, but is instructed to simply burn at midnight in our backyard if I ever get hit by a bus).

Remote controlled vibrators feel so good

Once my remote controlled prostate teaser has arrived the first thing I’m going to do is roll a dice, toss a coin and then randomly point at one of the following fantasies and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

1) You’re in a restaurant with your date/bf/husband/brother (hey, I’m not judgey, twincest is so in). By now he’s got so used to your little black friend filling his hole that he’s forgotten all about it and is cheerfully perusing the menu, checking to see what’s gluten free (because of course you got stuck with a glutard for a date/bf/husband/brother) and just as the waiter comes to take his order BLAM you reach into your pocket and hit the highest possible setting on the controller. Suddenly his prostate is ringing harder than a church-bell at Easter.

I dare you not to laugh as he tries to keep a straight face ordering a kale salad and a Martini that’s shaken, not stirred.

2) Talking of church bells, how about lubing up and slipping that little rascal into your pleasure pocket before skipping off to Sunday Mass? It’s sort of like a drinking game, except every time the priest mentions the Holy Spirit you give yourself a blast from the the unholy black presence in your hole.

Be careful though, you might start conditioning yourself to associate pleasure with being in church, and just like those filthy Catholic perv-priests should have known, cocks and choir guys don’t mix.

3) You can force your man to keep it in his butt when you go out barhopping. If you catch him looking at another man in a way you don’t like you can give him a buzz to remind him who’s boss… or if you catch him looking at another man in a way you do like, you can do the same. Mixed signals? Yeah, but it’ll certainly keep him on his toes (literally if you use the highest setting).

2 responses to “Remote controlled vibrators feel so good”

  1. You can't hear a thing when it's snug up someone's hole 🙂

  2. Prutprut says:

    But did you try it? Is it loud? I'd love my bf to give me one and let him be in control… It's Stepfort Wives, but all new and improved!!!

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