The Idiots Guide to Kink

By Rich Kelly

Unfortunately, I often find myself being ‘Samantha’ amongst a group of friends. You know, the one with the numerous sexcapades that people find both highly entertaining and disturbing. I don’t say it with any sense of pride or arrogance, I’ve just had my fair share of sex and am quite open to discussion on the matter. My most recent shoot for though had me feeling a lot less ‘Sex & The City’ and full blown Shoshana a’la ‘Girls’.

The Idiots Guide to Kink
Rockin’ up to Kink.comheadquarters is a bit of an experience in its own. The location is a former armory that looks like something straight out of the industrial era – I mean, they give guided tours of the damn place! I arrived in the dead of night, finding myself in the company of a security guard and two cats. Feeling partly aroused (but mostly terrified) I wandered down the halls of what could only be described as a private-school-turned-sexual-horror-movie set. Having fed my curiosity for the evening, I retired to my bedroom across from ‘Wardrobe’ and down the hall from the live cam shows, naturally.

Waking to the sound of laughter and chatter was disorienting to say the least. I peered out my door to the traffic of employees going about their regularly scheduled Mondays. I grabbed my toiletries and headed to the unisex bathroom (because if anywhere is going to have a unisex bathroom, it would obviously be The Armory in San Francisco) where I happened upon men, women, and everything in between in various states of undress, personal grooming and costume adjustments. Upon getting lost trying to find the private enema bathroom, I had to further clarify with security that I was after the one which wasn’t being filmed for the studio. Feeling adequately confused yet refreshed, I headed to the basement for my shoot with Naked Kombat.

The Idiots Guide to Kink

If there’s anything I can truly emphasise about this experience, it would be that when we’re talking about Naked Kombat:
They aren’t joking when they tell you that it’s real.

Ok, maybe not 100% real, but reality tv real… close enough. Real enough to near faint a few times, real enough to gasp for air in a pool of my own sweat, and real enough to regret my recent success in leaning out after a few matches with my 190lb scene partner. The sex round at the end was a welcome relief compared to our three previous 8-minute death rounds!

Day 2 provided countless moments of entertainment. After a scheduling snafu, our regularly scheduled shoe store group domination scene got relocated to the balloon store, as you do. Guests were provided with pizza and beer as everyone casually browsed the inventory and sexually abused the obedient sub bottom. Masks were worn, balloons were popped, and cum filled the air.

The Idiots Guide to Kink

I’ve come to a few conclusions:
1. Mind over matter is of utmost importance when in such extreme scenarios
2. I’m still discovering my sexuality and exploring it has been an enlightening challenge
3. was one of the most organised, polite and helpful companies that I’ve had the pleasure of working with

I left The Armory physically worse for wear but mentally proud of what I had done. Being amongst such an eclectic group of staff makes you realise how important it is for us to take pride in our differences and celebrate our kinky sides. There’s something out there for everyone and people truly need to be aware of this and embrace it for everything it’s worth…

…I guess I’m just really meant to be a whore.

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